One thing I am really, really good at is withdrawing emotionally from people. One thing I cannot stand, one thing that makes my skin crawl and heart sink, is one-sided love. When I feel that I am loved back to an equal magnitude, I start to become soft— my heart blossoms open like a flower and in that moment, I am willing to let them in. But at the slightest hint of danger, at one unreturned sign of affection, my instinct is to retreat. Fast. In a panic, I pile brick upon brick upon brick to strengthen my defenses, kicking myself for ever letting them down. In my pursuit to never get hurt, to never let anyone touch me, my heart has become soft. It has not had the opportunity to strengthen, because I have never allowed it to run free, and perhaps pick up some bruises and scrapes along the way. It’s a very fragile, and kind of scary, state. 

2:49 pm  •  5 January 2012  •  6 notes